Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rory's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 6th, 2012
12:44 pm	The difference is clear When I was a kid, if myself or one of my siblings were caught teasing the dog by offering it food and then snatching it away, we were forced to give the food to the dog. Fortunately this rule is not in general use, otherwise... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 7th, 2012
2:07 am	Linkity-link chequebook (includes pen) Mostly stuff I was boring people with in the pub. You know the drill by now. Okay, so it's been six months, but hey - it's like riding a bike! Actually, it's fuck-all like riding a bike, but I'm sure you can figure out the intricacies of clicking on the bits that are underlined. Except that bit. That was just an example. From now on, it counts. Apart from that one. Shit, how does HTML work again? Oglaf! Usually rude, often hilarious. Bod. Except, he's Dredd. Linked by caerban but enough people have claimed not to remember it that I'm reposting it. So I overstated how much the Shadowrun game Kickstarter had raised. It'll get there, just you wait. Sadly all the donation options where one of the creators of Shadowrun comes to your house and runs a Shadowrun game for you and your friends are sold out already; sorry Paul! I want to play Shadowrun now. Finally, the missus has expressed an interest in going to the Manchester Museum on Easter Monday. It appears to be full of interesting stuffs and is free to get in. We're thinking of taking the train there and back to avoid Easter traffic - anyone fancy coming along? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2012
10:56 am	For some reason I thought I'd already posted about this Bad movies, my place, tomorrow from 8 pm. Special Guest star will be caerban and his collection of appalling shark movies, assuming he can make it across the Pennines in time. Update: caerban has pussied out expressed concerns about being trapped in Sheffield by snowfall, and thus will not be gracing us with his presence. Or his appalling marine biology-based creature flicks. I'm sure we can find something worth watching though. Samurai Death Bells, anyone? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 30th, 2011
6:18 pm	The magic of cinema Yes, the missus is away again so time once more for dreadful movies, this time featuring some, none or fewer of the following: Us Seals: Either an unofficial pinniped-themed sequel to the Chevy Chase/Dan Aykroyd vehicle "Spies Like Us", or a low-budget under-the-top action movie full of explosions¹ and unconvincing gunfights. I know which one I'm hoping for! Starring: Jenny McShane from "Shark Attack 3: Those Are Nice, Dear, But John Barrowman Doesn't Really Know What To Do With Them". McBain: Retired from the elite Division Squad, McBain spends his days fishing and scowling at people. An SOS from an old friend forces McBain to reunite with his former colleagues from Bureau Group in order to effect a rescue. But against an entire army, even McBain's Team Unit training might not be enough... Starring: Christopher Walken, Michael Ironside, Steve James, why isn't this a better film? Vampire Hunters: Hark Tsui is one of the most respected producers in Hong Kong cinema, a driving force behind the seminal "A Better Tomorrow" as well as the brilliant "Iron Monkey" and the "Once Upon A Time In China" series. Unfortunately for this one he also decided to write the screenplay, and with a whopping 4.5/10 on the IMDB that may have been a bad decision. Still, the plot involves kung fu masters who fight zombies having to avenge - and, given the vampire/zombie theme, probably re-kill - their fallen master, so how bad can it be? Right? I mean, right? Starring: The guys who went on to play the gang leader and his lieutenant in "Kung Fu Hustle", a bunch of other guys. My place from about eight on Saturday 1st Oct, bring beer and any terrible films you wish to share with the rest of Section Department. ¹ Or more likely the same explosion several times from slightly different angles. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2011
1:13 pm	Notes from a surprisingly large island We're back from Mallorca; sorry about all the parties, baby namings, raids, pub nights (etc) that we missed. We'd arranged to go over at the same time as my sister Roisin and her husband Paul. My other sister Siobhan lives there anyway, so it makes for a pretty good family reunion. Certainly nicer than Sheffield in a snowy February, which is the last time we met up. ( I realise that's kinda faint praise ) (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2011
1:35 am	Leprechaun 7: Leprechaun Vs. The IRS I've seen people advance the argument, with all apparent seriousness, that the first three Leprechaun films are actually genuinely good horror movies. Well they may be right, but unfortunately those ain't the Leprechaun movies I happen to have. So this Saturday's crap movie night will feature: Leprechaun 4: The Leprechaun is in space for some reason; hilarity ensues. Frankly all horror film franchises should be in space by the time they reach their fourth installment. Jason Voorhees was a very late bloomer in this regard, since he didn't reach space until Jason X, and I don't think Freddie Krueger has made it even now. Michael Myers' expressionless mask of hatred can of course be seen to good effect in Star Wars Episode V: Send In The Clones, in which he plays Anakin Skywalker. Leprechaun 6: Skipping over the events of Leprechaun 5 - largely because grok_mctanys and I laughed so hard we nearly asphyxiated when we watched that - Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood sees the Leprechaun once more trying to protect his stash of gold coins from acquisitive young urban persons from the eponymous 'hood. A subtle and deeply moving metaphor for the conflict between working-class Irish families and the African-American communities that have sprung up around them since the 70s, Leprechaun 6 won five Academy Awards including best original screenplay, best actor in a leading role (Warwick Davies) and best giant comedy afro wig on a gangster rapper turned actor. My place, Saturday, from about eight. Bring your own consciousness-deadening beverages. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 12th, 2011
6:26 pm	Wheels (may contain wheels) I remember years ago a policeman friend of mine told me how Mrs. Thatcher had been careful to increase pay and improve conditions and up recruitment for the police force because she knew she'd need them when she rammed the poll tax down the country's throat. It seemed logical. When I heard that Cameron was going to cut... well, everything, I thought he was a douchebag. When I heard that Cameron was going to cut everything including the police, I thought he was an idiot. Now the first serious unrest has occurred and he's still talking about slashing police budgets and numbers - pending a sudden Cameron I-Turn™* - which means one of two things. Either he's a dangerous fantasist who genuinely believes that as soon as he dismantles the government our entire citizenry will immediately enter a glorious private-sector utopia where waste and selfishness do not exist** and the market solves all problems instantly and proportionately. Or this is part of a complicated medium-term plan to turn everyone into frothing right-wing corporal punishment enthusiasts, demanding everything from eviction and termination of benefits**** for anyone wearing a hoodie right up to Saudi-style amputation or decaptitation for... Wait... I see it now! THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO INTRODUCE SHARIA LAW TO THE UK BY STEALTH! Cameron is the puppet of the trans-national Caliphate! The Daily Mail is secretly promoting a repressive Islamofascist state! All this time we've been assuming the liberals are the ones who are courting the global dominance of Islam, when actually it's the conservatives! Black is white! Right is wrong! Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia! Man, no-one tell Anders Breivik. When he finds out that he should have been pointlessly murdering conservative kids rather than pointlessly murdering liberal kids, he's going to feel terrible. * The I-Turn™ is Cameron's signature move; it's where he publicly announces that he's been forced to change his mind by public outcry and is humiliating himself by submitting... then carries on and does whatever the hell it was he wanted to do in the first place once the fuss has died down. cf. sell-off of public forests, NHS privatisation bill, etc. ** Anyone would think he'd never worked in the private sector. Maybe PR is just a really nice friendly honest industry?*** *** No. **** Personally I think I'd be more likely to steal if I had no money and no home, but what the hell do I know? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 10th, 2011
5:29 pm	I ain't the wurst that you've seen So there I was, innocently reading a rambling discourse on fusion cuisine. I followed their currywurst link and saw the first picture and suddenly I'm all ahglagughlaglagl. Bought frankfurters on the way home, knocked up a quick-and-dirty batch of currywurst sauce (ketchup, curry powder, garlic powder, dash of Worcestershire sauce, splash of vinegar) and didn't bother with the chips, just put the sausage in a bread roll. God damn that's good. Germany, I salute you. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2011
5:10 pm	The Shiawase Decision When I were but a lad, back in the early 1990s, my friends and I got a good deal of enjoyment out of a roleplaying game called Shadowrun. Set in a dystopian future of unchecked capitalism, radical human bio-modification and resurgent magic, the players took on the roles of renegade hackers, bulletproof cybercommandos, urban spell-slingers, techno-spies, ninja swordsmen and assorted other outlaws acting as deniable/expendable assets for and against the megacorporations that dominated - literally and figuratively - the world. The corporations in Shadowrun had managed to obtain two key rights - the right to recruit and maintain private military forces, and the right of extraterritoriality. In short, they were subject to no rules but their own. The governments of the setting essentially signed away their right to monitor and regulate the activities of such organisations and, by extension, those of their employees. Every time I read about phone-hacking, I wonder when I sideslipped into Shadowrun.¹ We're talking about an organisation that has illegally accessed or tried to access the private correspondence of thousands of well-known people and some of the highest elected officials in the country, possibly including the Foreign Secretary and a serving Prime Minister. Oh, and some MI5 officials as well. And yet a couple of guys who were directly involved are given nugatory four or six month sentences, whilst there isn't even a hint of censure for the parent organisation. Quite the opposite, in fact: they're allowed something they really want - full ownership of BSkyB - despite strong concern from the regulator and every other media organisation in the country. Politicians who (foolishly) express opposition to Murdoch are reprimanded. Police investigations are quietly allowed to die. Calls for public enquiries are dismissed - well, until it starts to look like someone may have hacked into the voicemails of murdered girls. Pause for a second to appreciate the irony of tabloid papers being caught out by a backlash of the public outrage they themselves helped to stoke, because of actions that they took in the hope of being able to further stoke that outrage. It's almost beautiful, in a way. Like a cathedral made of crusty syringes and excrement-smeared banknotes. Back to the point: anyone else who'd done this would right now be poring over the provisions of the Official Secrets Act looking for a piece of small print that means they don't have to spend the rest of their natural in Belmarsh. Yet for Rupert and his vast number of minions, hirelings, underlings and henchpersons... basically nothing. Now I am not, myself, the sort of person who demands that people be hung, on the grounds that it's the only language they can be considered likely to understand.² But I cannot - for the very life of me - understand why the government isn't making a bigger deal of this. Okay, it was embarrassing to have hired one of the guys who may have known/been responsible/whatever for the hacking, but he resigned months ago and you could distance yourself easily enough. (I'm going to completely bypass any moral or ethical arguments for reacting to the whole hacking thing because we're talking about politicians, and politicians - especially Tory ones - tend not to be very good at that kind of thing. Let's keep it purely in the realms of realpolitik.) Now the government - whoever they happen to be at the time - is popularly acknowledged to be continually currying favour with Murdoch Inc. in return for broadly supportive coverage. That has to grate, after a while. So with general public support and the full weight of the law on your side, how is this not the point to pick this fight? Even if you shy away from trying to break up his empire or even reduce his influence, you could effectively shunt the BSkyB thing onto a siding and make him wait however many more years for that particular bauble. At the least, at the very lowest possible level to retain a basic negotiating position - and self-respect - extort some sort of concessions from him. Put him to the trouble of having to buy you off, if nothing else. But no. Vague talk of a public enquiry - or possibly more than one, or possibly a bunch of little ones that join up into a big one with Lord Archer forming the head.³ Basically nothing, again. Is Cameron that soft a touch? Are the Tories genuinely that bad at cut-throat business negotiation? Unless a deal has already been struck. Unless Murdoch has already been put to the trouble. ¹ Also, does this mean I'm about to turn into an ork? ² Although I did briefly want to break the arms of a guy I saw today who carefully carried his empty Lucozade bottle off the tram, walked past a bin, and deliberately threw the bottle onto the grass. I was still on the tram, fortunately, otherwise my mouth might have attempted to write money orders that my body would not have been able to cover with funds presently available. ³ You know full well which head. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 21st, 2011
1:32 am	Mhor Thor ( Part Two ) (5 Comments |Comment on this)
1:31 am	Tho am I, but wathn't it fun? Okay, so it's been a while - bonus fanboi points to anyone who can tell me how long - but I finally got round to writing another film script. I thought it was shorter than the other ones, but apparently it still needs to be split into two parts. No wonder these things take so bastard long. Anyway, I'm proud to present to you my version of Kenneth Branagh's Stan Lee's Oliver Elton's Saxo Grammaticus' Harald Horsthroat's ( THOR ) (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 30th, 2011
1:34 pm	Weddingsnark Five points to the graphic designer who made the floorplan of Westminster Abbey in whichever paper it was look like a giant cock and hairy balls. Ten points to Channel 5 for scheduling the Christ-awful made-for-TV movie "William & Kate" (inspired by an imaginary version of events which may or may not have happened but would have been true if in fact they did occur albeit not in the way they are here portrayed) on the Big Day itself. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2011
1:48 pm	Holy Living Fuck. The Moon. Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. Cannot believe we're on the fucking moon. Holy fucking shit. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 12th, 2011
8:01 pm	I got you, sucker So I went to see Sucker Punch today. I had previously liked 300 and loved Watchmen, by the same director, and the trailer had left me determined to watch it... but I'd heard that the reviews were coming back overwhelmingly negative. Well, they must have been watching a different film from the one I saw, because the one I saw was fuckin' brilliant. ( A map. A knife. Fire. A key. The fifth thing is spoilers. ) (19 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2011
4:04 pm	Stuff Welcome to this week's digest of shite I was wittering about in the pub, to the general lack of comprehension/politely disbelieving stares of my fellows. Why Cats Are Not Doctors Alan! Alan! Al! Al! Alan! Also features shark a cappella band. Bonus: Scratching badgers. Advice God! Kind of hit and miss, as these things are, but made me chuckle. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
3:26 pm	Oh Edmund, it's the lying that hurts This. via asw909 (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
4:53 pm	Department of Links Dept. Molten Core Dept: Apparently the French guys didn't get the memo about not standing in the fire. Amazing images; check out the one where the chap is stood next to the lava flow to get a sense of the scale. (via asw909) How Am I Only Just Hearing About This Dept: Steven Brust writes original, interesting, funny and exciting fantasy novels. Frequently all at the same time. He's a big favourite of caerban's, and apparently a Browncoat because he wrote a Firefly fanfic novel... three years ago. Three. Why was I not informed earlier? I'm only 15 pages in, but it's working for me so far. Man of the Moment Dept: Like many of you, I find it difficult to distinguish between Charlie Sheen and Colonel Mu'ammar Muhammad al-Gaddafi, King of Kings. That's probably why I only scored 5/10 on this quiz. Saw This, Thought Of You Dept: A couple of people in the pub were telling me about this Indian movie they thought I might like. I think it was this one, wherein an unstoppable Terminator-style robot who looks like a cross between Elvis and Pepe Le Pew must... I don't know. Do some crazy shit, apparently. It weaves back and forth across the narrow line dividing awesome from retarded but hell if it isn't imaginative. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 14th, 2011
5:36 pm	Actually, he started before we ran out of water. I have done only two things today: one is give blood; the other is laugh uncontrollably, until the tears ran down my face, at the Bear Grylls - Better Drink My Own Piss meme. The nice ladies at the BTS thought I was just really happy about giving blood, but actually I was thinking "Just gave blood... better drink my own piss." And then they brought me some cloudy orange squash. Reader, I was undone. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011
8:33 pm	Chin vs. Wang* The missus being away, it is by now traditional to watch some godawful movies round at our place. On the menu this time: Kickboxer 3: The Art of War: A champion kickboxer foolishly forms some sort of emotional connection to another human being. That human being is promptly kidnapped in order to make the kickboxer lose at kickboxing. Will our protagonist realise his mistake and allow the human being to be brutally murdered, or will he have to beat up literally dozens of other, less appealing human beings in order to save him or her? Special Features: Interactive Menu, Scene Index South Shaolin vs. North Shaolin: Have you ever noticed how boxers from North Henan punch like this, and boxers from South Henan punch like this? Am I right, folks? What about that airline food, huh? Stars: The optimistic-sounding Casanova Wong; Han Ying; Wu Hou (who at least sounds like he's having a good time) Invincible Obsessed Fighter: When a corrupt General steals a fortune in treasure bound for flood victims, he fails to anticipate the vengeance of Chuck - really, Chuck is what we're going with? Well, okay then - Chuck! Deadly OCD fighter and master of the 13 Shaolin Styles, 11 Herbs & Spices, 9 Lords a-Leaping and 10% Cashback. Can he recover the gold and defeat evil, or will they cosh him over the back of the head whilst he's sorting the treasure by denomination, dynasty and lustre? Stars: Ladies and gentlemen - Mr. Elton Chong! Don't let the suuunn, go down on meeeeee... Furry Fury in Shaolin Temple: Mysterious villains steal the priceless Shaolin Manuscript, detailing such secret fighting techniques as "Punch In The Face" and "Wait 'Til He's Not Looking Then Kick Him In The Balls"! Only some bloke with an apparent grudge against those living statue dudes that spray themselves silver and surprise people can save the day! Special Features: Copyright warning on front of DVD; said warning appears to consist of a Chinese man in a bad false wig/beard combo glaring at prospective pirates Martial Monks of Shaolin Temple: Can Dragon Lang bring down the kung fu empire of the evil Kurt Wong? No he can't, because he's shit. Also according to the picture on the back of the box Kurt Wong knows a deadly Nostril Strike technique. Maybe he's just giving the other dude some Vicks, I don't know. Anyway, Dragon ends up in jail where a strange old man offers to teach him "Buddhist Fist". Once Dragon confirms that this is in fact a fighting style and not a feat of sexual endurance he accepts the offer. Can he beat Kurt Wong by simply staying in jail until Wong is old? Or will he have to convince the parole board he's accepted Jesus Buddha? Stars: One of the hundred dudes who thought a bowl haircut and a name change would make them the new Bruce Lee The King of the Kickboxers: Undercover New York cop Jake Donahue takes on a mission to break up a snuff porn ring in Bangkok. Secretly though he doesn't give a bollock about a gang murdering people and filming it, he's there to kill the man who killed his brother in a flashback when Jake was just a boy. Can a skinny white guy dressed like he's the bride at a Hindu wedding defeat the gurning seven-foot monolith of muscle and flat-top haircut that is Billy Blanks? Quite honestly it seems unlikely, but there you go. Stars: Billy Blanks; Billy Blanks' hair; Billy Blanks' mad staring eyes; Loren Avedon (sounds like the love interest, actually the hero); edited by Alan Poon (good character name) Saturday 12th February, from about 8pm. All welcome. Bring your own pain-deadening beverages. * Get your mind out of the gutter (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 23rd, 2010
6:13 pm	Rationality rationing It is like that, and that is the way that it is. Shouldn't it be on? Why is it not on? If it is not on now, will it ever be on? Must the provocation required for it to be on be so extreme that it results in it eventually being much more on than it would otherwise have been? In other news an old man lost part of his job for telling the wrong person he'd made the right decision, the Metropolitan Police's crowd control tactics were condemned by veal farmers and a comedian was censured for telling jokes that are extremely offensive to people who don't understand satire. Or can, at any rate, convincingly pretend not to. On the upside, it's not that cold. See now this is cold. (2 Comments |Comment on this)